I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
