i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
