my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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