his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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