..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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