she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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