woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
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i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
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They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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