that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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