ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
