also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
