I think my vagina is haunted
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
