i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
