Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
