She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
