i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Everything about him screamed your future.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
