She said her name was "party"
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
