wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
