Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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