Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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