wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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