You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
