you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Someone came in the potted fern
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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