doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
