wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
