I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
