oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
