i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
