booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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