I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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