Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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