he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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