im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
