She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
