Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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