It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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