i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Randomize
