i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She's the barista slut.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
