Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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