I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
