Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
