he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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