I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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