I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
