Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
