ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
