I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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