And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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