You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
