So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
