On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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