Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
