I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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