I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
