carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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