You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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