That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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