The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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