his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
