guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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