Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
