Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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