You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
