i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
