What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
