if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
