He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Sorry about my life...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
