thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
