I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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