i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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