problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
