guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
