I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
