I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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