Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
