i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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