started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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