wanna go halves on a baby?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize