guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
